Football,

The Last Laugh?

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR VS MAN UNITED

Wednesday 21st May, 8:00pm


Tottenham @ 15/8
Man United @ 6/4
Draw @ 9/4
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This is not what major European football finals are supposed to look like.

The culmination of two outstanding campaigns; a massive clash between irresistible forces; two factions in iridescent form, displaying guile and character, stuffed with players at the peak of their powers, coming together to determine which elite, exquisitely coached collective is the greatest.


“Both clubs are a few notches below mediocre. They have added profound new depth to the word underperforming.”


The Europa League Final, an 8pm kick-off on Wednesday night between Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester United, is none of these things.

It is England’s 16th best team versus the 17th. A team who have failed to win any of their last 6 Premier League games up against an outfit who have won none of their last 8.

A Manchester United side who have failed to score in 15 league appearances this season – only Leicester City have a poorer record – and have failed to win two measly games in a row; facing a Tottenham side who have made it into the top 4…of a Premier League table of teams who have lost the most games, where they also sit just behind Leicester City.

Both clubs are a few notches below mediocre.  They have added profound new depth to the word ‘underperforming’.  The only prize either side should be winning based on their league efforts is a withered wooden spoon.

And yet both are about to contest a major trophy.  And one of them, though it may well happen by accident, will win it.  Not only will one of these teams somehow end their dismal 2024/25 campaign with a shiny prize, they will also qualify for next year’s Champions League.

This is a final which appears to have been put together solely for the purpose of trolling Arsenal fans.  Despite the Gunners’ best efforts, despite beating Real Madrid home and away, one of their most loathed rivals with end their wretched season having achieved more than they have.  Mikel Arteta must be about to explode.  Again.

And what of Wednesday night’s opposing managers?  Ruben Amorim’s future only seems secure because the club can no longer afford to pay-off another failed head coach in 2024/25.  Plus, he has yet to be given the chance to blow £90 million on a player who turns to dust every time he steps out onto the Old Trafford pitch.

But if they fail to salvage their season by winning the Europa League, can Amorim really be given that opportunity?

Recent history shows that United are a club who will sack a manager even if they have just won a trophy (Louis van Gaal), but the end result was the same when they didn’t sack Erik ten Hag after he won the FA Cup: protracted decline and continued laughter from opposition fans.

Ange Postecoglou has spent money – a remarkable amount of it – and his team have got significantly worse.  Even if they land Champions League qualification, can he really be the man to lead Spurs into those choppy waters?

From the stands to the dug-out – and possibly, given the anticipated quality of football on the pitch, every neutral watching too – this will be a game to be observed with unwilling eyes, and through a mesh of tense fingers.

United fans will seek hope in the absence of Dejan Kulusevski, while Spurs fans will be similarly encouraged to see that Rasmus Højlund still seems to be the Red Devils’ only attacking option.

In this instance, in this post-Eurovision landscape – to paraphrase the 1974 European champions, ABBA – a loser can take it all.  But in a final that will be regarded by many as a joke, it will be fascinating to see who, if anyone, succeeds in getting the last laugh…


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