MAN CITY VS MAN UTD
Saturday 25th May, 3:00pm
Man City @ 1/3
Man Utd @ 13/2
Draw @ 9/2
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In recent weeks I have made references to a prestigious end-of-season football prize of my own creation. Awarded to the club who has most shambolically underperformed over the course of the campaign and/or generated the most hilarity for opposition fans, the race for the Golden Clown Shoe has been wild. And there could still be one more thrilling twist to come.
For much of the 2023/24 season it looked like the award was Stamford Bridge bound – Chelsea had spent a fortune, and were frequently as chaotic on the pitch as they appeared to be off it. They were only really succeeding in unifying the rest of the division in peals of back-buckling laughter.
But as we reached the last volley of Premier League fixtures, it became clear things were changing at Chelsea. A feeling of confidence – largely injected by Cole Palmer – began to course through the team, and they embarked upon a late surge up the table. The collective, nationwide chuckling quickly began to fizzle-out.
Besides, another well-funded footballing outfit had also thrown their hat into the ring to claim the Golden Clown Shoe – one of the few targets they were able to hit this season.
Punch-drunk, with a back-line as leaky as the Old Trafford roof.
Manchester United were floundering; approaching the end of the season like a swaying, delirious, de-hydrated marathon runner. Punch-drunk, with a back-line as leaky as the Old Trafford roof. A couple of wins just before last orders was not enough to prevent the Red Devils finishing below Chelsea in the final table; the damage had been done.
Consequently, I began to tie red and black ribbons to the Golden Clown Shoe trophy in preparation for the lavish ceremony. Then I stopped. Not because I realised I hadn’t actually organised a ceremony; or because Ainsley Harriott had sadly declined to make the presentation…but because Chelsea had parted ways with Mauricio Pochettino.
Once again the sounds of unified laughter began to be directed towards Fulham Broadway. What were they thinking?! Clearly, they didn’t want to give up the Golden Clown Shoe without a fight. And a fight is now exactly what they have got.
Because Manchester United still have a chance – albeit a small one – to end the season with an actual trophy, rather than an imaginary one. And by winning it, according to my scorecard anyway, they would send the Golden Clown Shoe back over to Chelsea. Wearily, I began to fish the blue ribbons out of the bin…
The FA Cup Final – Manchester City v Manchester United – is a 3pm kick-off on Saturday.
Can Erik ten Hag, for whom this might be his last match in charge, seize the chance to release the last laugh?
In order to stand a chance of victory, United must focus on the positives. Firstly, some of the City players may still be drunk. Professional footballers tend not to indulge in the manner they used to; but, following Sunday’s fourth successive Premier League triumph, some alcohol will have been consumed…even if it was all just by Jack Grealish.
Secondly, Lisandro Martínez has made a welcome return from injury to restore some order to United’s high-speed revolving-door in central defence. Whether this will be enough to repel Erling Haaland – who, unlike some, won’t have one eye on the Euros – remains to be seen. But Martínez will surely create a more robust shield than Casemiro, who may well have one eye on a barbecue on a beach somewhere in Brazil.
Could Saturday afternoon also provide a platform for Marcus Rashford to remind his own fans, and England manager Gareth Southgate, that his poor 2023/24 season was just a temporary aberration, a bad joke?
Can Erik ten Hag, for whom this might be his last match in charge, seize the chance to release the last laugh? Or will the sound of late laughter solely emanate from Pep Guardiola – a familiar, protracted, cold, megalomaniacal cackle…as he throws another shiny trophy onto the ever-increasing pile?
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