Manchester United @ 7/5
Chelsea @ 19/10
Draw @ 12/5
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It is said that in order to stay alive a shark has to keep moving forward. Without propulsion it can no longer take in oxygen and will ultimately drown and die. A dead shark can still move, of course, but only along with the current; will continue to be an impressive entity, but one that is no longer feared. And in the realm of football, Manchester United is very much a dead shark. They remain a functioning enterprise, but they are drifting; effectively inert. Somehow both alive and dead at the same time; like a Damien Hirst installation – a shark suspended in formaldehyde – they are in danger of turning into a slowly decomposing, but still eye-wateringly expensive gallery attraction.
Will Amorim be able to succeed where so many others with equally impressive CVs have unimpressively drowned?
Erik ten Hag has become the latest manager to find his reputation reduced to a bundle of shreds when it was handed back to him on leaving Carrington for the final time. The cycle of hope and optimism slowly turning into frustration and disappointment has been completed once again.
Though the defeat at West Ham last weekend wasn’t broadcast live – perhaps because the football has become so ugly it can only be shown after the 9pm watershed? – it bore all the familiar hallmarks of the Ten Hag tenure. An alarming dearth of confidence, combined with some clunky midfield stodginess, capped-off with a rather unlucky decision that ultimately sealed the result.
Though I do believe the Dutchman never quite received the rub of the green – as well as refereeing calls, injuries were also ill-timed and frequent – his exit became inevitable. Manchester United, to highlight just one outstanding stat, have the biggest negative differential between expected goals and actual goals in the Premier League – just 8 have been netted from an xG of 14.6.
Another lauded Dutchman, Ruud van Nistelrooy, seems like the perfect person to try and reverse this particular area of decline. A great white shark of an attacker himself in his prime – he scored 150 goals in just 219 games for the Red Devils – the former PSV head coach will sit in the Old Trafford dugout this weekend, where he will try and create a more incisive bite to the currently blunted United jaws.
He certainly achieved that in midweek. Quite how committed Leicester City were to a long-term relationship with the Carabao Cup remains unclear, but 5 goals were scored and the dead United shark briefly twitched.
A much more informative test lurks menacingly this weekend, however – Manchester United v Chelsea is a 4:30pm kick-off on Sunday.
Regardless of how he fares, the Van Nistelrooy interregnum has already been made aware of its limited lifespan. Sporting Lisbon manager, Rúben Amorim, has bravely stepped forward to roll-up his sleeves, throw some offal into the tank, and try to successfully resurrect some positive progress in the slumbering beast.
Will van Nistelrooy have a future within this new, Portuguese framework? Will Amorim be able to succeed where so many others with equally impressive CVs have unimpressively drowned?
It is probably too soon to judge the INEOS regime as a whole – retaining Ten Hag was a mistake, but they have been swift in securing a sought-after replacement. The pressure in this particular tank, however, never lets up…
But just when Manchester United thought it was safe to get back into the water, a new apex predator is making its presence known, sending ominous ripples in their direction. A lithe, blue shark; one that can thrive in cold temperatures.
With 7 Premier League goals and 5 assists already to his name this season, Cole Palmer has become one of the deadliest attackers in the division. Will he continue his seemingly inexorable forward motion, directly towards the Manchester United goal, this weekend?
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