NEWCASTLE VS MAN CITY
Saturday 13th January, 5:30pm
Newcastle @ 4/1
Draw @ 10/3
Man City @ 6/10
view odds
January is the month of the year when many people make the decision to cut back on things. Booze, chocolate, chocolate with booze inside – whatever it was that you had too much of in the weeks leading up to December 31st, now seems like a good time to consume less of it.
And the same is true with Premier League football. We all indulged over the festive period. For two weeks we laid back on our chaise lounges like Emperor Vitellius on a pay-day Friday night and recklessly guzzled-down its high-calorie blend of theatre, athleticism, and amateur acrobatics. But now it’s time to slow things down; be a bit more discerning.
There isn’t the usual smorgasbord of Premier League matches before us this weekend; instead, a selection of smaller plates is presented. Just 6 fixtures form the lean taster menu; but the dishes are all rich, filling, and exquisitely seasoned.
While it may not be the best fixture of the weekend in terms of on-pitch quality, Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur – a 4:30pm start on Sunday – could well be the highlight in terms of entertainment. In the last 25 meetings between the sides there has been only one 0-0. We have had a recent 6-1 (to Tottenham) a famous 5-3 (which favoured United); and, to ramp the hype to almost unsustainable levels, this time round, we also have the opportunity to catch a glimpse of a goal-scoring phenomenon.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself accordingly…for the return of the king: Timo Werner.
With an extraordinary 50 goals in 50 Premier League appearances to his name, Timo Werner has come back to strike fear into the…wait, wait…sorry, no…got my notes mixed-up there…those are Erling Haaland’s stats. Werner actually scored *checks notes more carefully* 10 goals in 56 Premier League matches. Which, er, hmm, isn’t quite as good now is it?
Nevertheless, in this month of moderation, everyone seems excited to see him back. And lining-up opposite a thoroughly penetrable Manchester United defence may be exactly what Werner needs to get back to his RB Leipzig level of 5 years ago, just before he made his ill-fated move to Chelsea.
To be fair, Werner is far from the only universally heralded marksman to arrive at Stamford Bridge suddenly to find his quiver full of blunted arrows. In fact, he is in the company of legends – Andriy Shevchenko, Fernando Torres, and Gonzalo Higuain were also rendered instantly impotent when they pulled on a Chelsea shirt.
In the midweek Carabao Cup semi-final 1st leg The Blues gave the impression of a football team who had made the unwise decision to cut back on goals this January. Up against a middling Middlesbrough, 18 shots and 72% possession somehow combined to result in a 1-0 defeat.
Chelsea host their SW6 neighbours Fulham in a 12:30pm kick-off on Saturday, where they will be hoping that Tuesday night was a blip; that their available strikers aren’t succumbing to that old, familiar affliction…and that their increasingly impatient fans don’t start wishing it was their club who had signed Timo Werner this week.
Saturday’s only other Premier League fixture sees Newcastle host Manchester City at 5:30pm, where the home support will be relieved to see that the feast to celebrate the return of the abovementioned striking king, Erling Haaland, has been postponed once again.
The Norwegian is sure to be ravenous due to his spell on the sidelines, especially now that Kevin de Bruyne is back to put the ball on a plate for him with Michelin-starred precision. But there won’t be any shortage of consumption – no abstemious downsizing of portions – in his absence; where Julián Álvarez will be keen to make the most of what could be his last guaranteed seat at the table.
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